Bad Windows

What do Microsoft and a halter top have in common?
Both offer very little support!

A security researcher has said there is a zero-day vulnerability affecting Windows 7 and Vista.

The flaw in Windows 7 could allow an attack which would cause a critical system error, or “Blue Screen of Death”, according to researcher Laurent Gaffie.

Gaffie wrote in his blog that the flaw lies in a Server Message Block 2 (SMB2) driver.

“SRV2.SYS fails to handle malformed SMB headers for the NEGOTIATE PROTOCOL REQUEST functionality,” wrote Gaffie in a blog post on Monday.

Read more at ZDNet

Microsoft is offering Best Buy employees Windows 7 for $10 if they complete training that includes selective truths about Linux. Apparently Windows 7 is totally safer, and Linux won’t work with cameras, iPods, or games like World of Warcraft. WTF?

True, there’s no elegant solution for the iTunes Music Store under Linux. And that’s a fair enough point. But when it comes to player software, Linux has plenty of options, including Banshee. And the iPod, most MP3 players, and printers work fine under Linux.

True, Linux won’t run every Windows program, but Wine supports a bunch of them. Special versions like CodeWeaver’s CrossOver Games actively support World of Warcraft.

Read more at Gizmodo

One day Bill Gates died and went to heaven. When he got there he met God. “God said Where do you want to go Heaven or Hell?”
Bill Gates said, “Can I have a look at them first?”
So God showed him Heaven and there were all people in white drinking wine a playing harps and all the walls were white.
Next God took him to Hell. Bill Gates saw a beautiful beach with gorgeous women in colorful bikinis, all the iced beer a person could drink and everyone was splashing in the water and having fun.
Bill Gates choose Hell.
A few weeks later God went to visit Bill in Hell where he was to tied to a rock and the devils were surronding him and he screamed to God: “When you let me look at Hell, it was full of gorgeous women, iced beer and fun. What happened?!?”
God replied, “Oh that? It was only a demo”.

At a recent COMDEX, Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry
with the auto industry and stated that: “If GM had kept up with technology
like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25 cars that got
1,000 miles to the gallon.”
General Motors has issued a press release stating:
1. For no reason whatsoever your car would crash twice a day.
2. Every time they repainted the lines on the road, you would have to buy a
new car.
3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason, and you
would just accept this, restart and drive on.
4. Occasionally, executing a manoeuvre such as a left turn, would cause your
car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to
reinstall the engine.
5. Only one person at a time could use the car, unless you bought “Car 95″
or “Car NT”. But then you would have to buy more seats.
6. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, reliable, five
times as fast and twice as easy to drive, but would only work on 5% of the
roads.
7. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning light would be
replaced by a single “general car default” warning light.
8. New seats would force everyone to have the same size butt.
9. The airbag system would say “Are you sure?” before going off.
10. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and
refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned
the key, and grab hold of the radio antenna.
11. GM would require all car buyers to also purchase a deluxe set of Rand
McNally road maps (now a GM subsidiary), even though they neither need them
nor want them. Attempting to delete this option would immediately cause the
car`s performance to diminish by 50% or more. Moreover, GM would become a
target for investigation by the justice dept.
12. Every time GM introduced a new model, car buyers would have to learn to
drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same
manner as the old car.
13. You would press the “start ” button to shut off the engine

The battle between Microsoft and Open Source is never ending. This video produced by Jordanians mimic how fanatics on both sides defend their turf.

Enjoy
Look the video at ArabCrunch

After the recent Anti-trust hearings, Bill Gates recently compared the
software market with the soft drink market. He says Microsoft is struggling
to survive but that the beverage giant will be on top forever because the
Department of Justice doesn`t pick on them. Of course, Bill should be
careful not to give Coke any ideas. We might end up with a scenario like
the following:
Joe: (walking into McDonalds) Hi, I`d like a Big Mac.
Cashier: Okay, here`s your Big Mac and here`s your Coke. That`ll be
$3.99.
Joe: Uh, I don`t want a Coke.
Cashier: Sorry, they`re bundled.
Joe: What? I`m not paying for a Coke!
Cashier: You don`t; the Coke is free.
Joe: But wasn`t a Big Mac $2.49 last week?
Cashier: Sure, but this latest Big Mac is far more innovative. It`s got
integrated Coke!
Joe: I already bought a Snapple across the street… I`m not going to
drink the Coke.
Cashier: Then you can`t have the burger.
Joe: Okay, fine, I will pay the $3.99 and throw the Coke away.
Cashier: Oh, you can`t do that. They`re seamlessly integrated. Totally
inseparable.
Joe: How can that be? They`re two totally separate things!
Cashier: No, watch. (takes Big Mac, dunks it in a tank of Coke) See?
Joe: Why did you just do that?!
Cashier: It`s a benefit to the consumer. Otherwise you`d end up with two
different, inconsistent tastes. This way you`re assured of a continuous
taste across all your foods.

/*
* Microsoft marketing algorithm.
*/
#include
#include
#include /* Microsoft Network Connectivity library */
#include /* For the court of law */
#define say(x) lie(x)
#define computeruser ALL_WHO_WANT_TO_BUY_OUR_BUGWARE
#define next_year soon
#define the_product_is_ready_to_ship another_beta_version
void main()
{
if (latest_window_version > one_month_old)
{
if (there_are_still_bugs)
market(bugfix);
if (sales_drop_below_certain_point)
raise(RUMOURS_ABOUT_A_NEW_BUGLESS_VERSION);
}
while(everyone_chats_about_new_version)
{
make_false_promise(it_will_be_multitasking); /* Standard Call, in
lie.h */
if (rumours_grow_wilder)
make_false_promise(it_will_be_plug_n_play);
if (rumours_grow_even_wilder)
{
market_time=ripe;
say(“It will be ready in one month);
order(programmers, stop_fixing_bugs_in_old_version);
order(programmers, start_brainstorm_about_new_version);
order(marketingstaff, permission_to_spread_nonsense);
vapourware = TRUE;
break;
}
}
switch (nasty_questions_of_the_worldpress)
{
case WHEN_WILL_IT_BE_READY:
say(“It will be ready in”, today + 30_days, ” we`re just
testing”);
break;
case WILL_THIS_PLUG_AND_PLAY_THING_WORK:
say(“Yes it will work”);
ask(programmers, why_does_it_not_work);
pretend(there_is_no_problem);
break;
case WHAT_ARE_MINIMAL_HARDWARE_REQUIREMENTS:
say(“It will run on a 8086 with lightning speed due to”
” the 32 bits architecture”);
inform(INTEL, “Pentium sales will rise skyhigh”);
inform(SAMSUNG, “Start a new memory chip plant”
“`because all those customers will need at least 32 megs”);
inform(QUANTUM, “Thanks to our fatware your sales will triple”);
get_big_bonus(INTEL, SAMSUNG, QUANTUM);
break;
case DOES_MICROSOFT_GET_TOO_MUCH_INFLUENCE:
say(“Oh no, we are just here to make a better world for
everyone”);
register(journalist, Big_Bill_Book);
when(time_is_ripe)
{
arrest(journalist);
brainwash(journalist);
when(journalist_says_windows95_is_bugfree)
{
order(journalist, “write a nice objective article”);
release (journalist);
}
}
break;
}
while (vapourware)
{
introduction_date++; /* Delay */
if (no_one_believes_anymore_there_will_be_a_release)
break;
say(“It will be ready in”, today + ONE_MONTH);
}
release(beta_version)
while (everyone_is_dumb_enough_to_buy_our_bugware)
{
bills_bank_account += 150 * megabucks;
release(new_and_even_better_beta_version);
introduce(more_memory_requirements);
if (customers_report_installation_problems)
{
say(“that is a hardware problem, not a software problem”);
if (smart_customer_says_but_you_promised_plug_and_play)
{
ignore(customer);
order(microsoft_intelligence_agency, “Keep an eye on this guy”);
}
}
if (there_is_another_company)
{
steal(their_ideas);
accuse(company, stealing_our_ideas);
hire(a_lot_of_lawyers); /* in process.h */
wait(until_other_company_cannot_afford_another_lawsuit);
buy_out(other_company);
}
}
/* Now everyone realizes that we sell bugware and they are all angry
at us */
order(plastic_surgeon, make_bill_look_like_poor_guy);
buy(nice_little_island);
hire(harem);
laugh_at(everyone,
for_having_the_patience_year_after_year_for_another_unfinished_version);
}
void bugfix(void)
{
charge(a_lot_of_money)
if (customer_says_he_does_not_want_to_pay_for_bugfix)
say(“It is not a bugfix but a new version”);
if (still_complaints)
{
ignore(customer);
register(customer, big_Bill_book);
/* We`ll get him when everyone uses Billware! */
}
}

Q: How many Bill Gateses does it take to change the lightbulb?
A: None. He just calls a meeting & makes darkness the standard.

Did you hear about the woman who was married to a succession of three Microsoft employees and still died a virgin?
Her first husband was in Training, and kept teaching her how to do it herself.
The second was in Sales, and kept telling her how good it was going to be.
And the third was in Tech Support, and kept saying “Don`t worry, it`ll be up any minute now.”